My Story

I wrote this when my daughter turned 2 back in 2017. It’s when I really began to understand what had happened to me and my “story” wasn’t normal. Here is my story:

My childhood was filled with divorce, bad choices, bad people (one of whom married my mom and who did many horrible things toward my brother and I as kids, one of which ended us living at his house), narcissicim, and parentification (I discovered this term earlier this year in therapy). My mom's mom is definitely narcissistic. My mom definitely has tendencies of narcissism, and definitely Emotionally parentified me as a child. Before I understood any of this, I knew my mom was severely mentally ill - like attempted suicide before I was born, and threatened it many times after I was. This is probably a result of my grandma not giving her the love she needed as a child. I always felt extremely guilty when I would put distance between my mom and I. Some examples of me putting distance between us was when she would obsessively call me once I moved out, leaving very mean messages because she was sad or mad or whatever. This went on for years throughout college and beyond. 

 my grandma and her hosted my bridal shower, and my mom pretty much stalked me and yelled at me in front of guests that I was ungrateful and not thankful for the party because I ignored her the whole time (I obviously had a LOT of people to talk to). What really drove a wedge was when I was pregnant with my daughter she felt like I would keep her from my daughter and would obsess and leave messages to me about this. I tried to be civil, at a distance bc I was obviously pregnant, working full time, and had no time for her bs. When my daughter was born, we weren't talking, but I felt it was ok form someone to tell her my daughter was born. She started to obsessively call the hospital and then SHOWED UP unannounced with my Narcissistic grandma (who had always been great to me so I didn't really mind that she was there). I had to tell the hospital to alert me when visitors were there and to block my mom on my cell phone and the hospital phone. She somehow got through to my husband (I was exhausted so I dont remember how exactly) and he basically said leave us alone right now. I blocked her for months after this. After I had my daughter almost 2 years ago, I felt like the walls of protection I had built over years came crashing down. I got severe PPD, I quit my job, I had to get on medication and started going to therapy. I let my mom back in. She visited with my grandma once a week for a while, took incessant pictures (I mean I know she's a grandma) but like a LOT. She would try to get my daughters attention any way possible, and make everything about her the entire time and how my daughter was "the best baby that ever had lived". I finally had enough when she kept buying her gifts for no reason, she started to obsessively call and text again, and I couldn't handle it due to what I was going through. I have been NC since I told her I needed to heal back in April except for the very few texts (still of course didn't respect my wishes), and a card today for my daughter with a $20 bill. Her birthday is next Thursday. I always feel when she does stuff like this she is trying to get  to my daughter somehow, like it makes me so uncomfortable. I hid the card (she's 2, and I know she's too young to understand or care) but i am very upset. It triggered me.