3 Critical Signs it’s Time to Re-evaluate a Toxic Friendship

 

 

When we think of toxic relationships, we tend to think of dysfunctional family members or toxic romantic relationship. However, toxicity can run rampant in friendships as well. Below are 3 critical signs it may be time to re-evaluate and possibly break off a toxic friendship:

 

1.    Your friend spends more time tearing you down than building you up. 

 

·      If you have a friend who is consistently tearing you down instead of being supportive and building you up, it’s probably time to re-evaluate the relationship. For example, when having a conversation with your friend you feel misunderstood, attacked, or demeaned - you have a toxic relationship. If you feel consistently your feelings or actions are judged or dismissed, it’s time to rethink the relationship. If this is something that occurs regularly, it may be time to take a break to reflect on the future of your friendship. 

 

1.    You have different life values

 

·      While most the time it is ok to have different values from one another, if your friend tries to change your values or consistently judges your values, it is time to take a hard look at your relationship. Your values reflect who you are and what you strongly believe. Never compromise your values to appease a friendship. It may be possible to communicate your life values and their importance to you without having to take a step back from a friendship. However, if he/she still continues to try to change, judge, or diminish your values it’s time to take a break or move on from the relationship.

 

1.    He or she rarely takes accountability for their words or actions, and if they do they become defensive or have excuses for why they behaved badly.

 

·      If this person cannot take responsibility or accountability for their own actions, and doesn’t offer a genuine apology, it is time to take a hard look at your relationship. For example, if your friend gives you a snide remark and after confronting them their response is “oh I was joking”, or “you’re too sensitive”, it’s time to understand that your friend does not value your feelings. True friends who value you will apologize, and make an effort to change their behavior. 

 

 

Toxic relationships rarely change, unfortunately. If your friend is toxic, it may be time to set up some clear boundaries that if they cross, will have specific consequences. For example, let’s say you convey to your friend that you will need to take a time out for a specific period of time if he/she continues to put you down by judging your life choices. The next time he/she crosses this boundary, you must enforce it with a time-out for the specified period of time. When the time has expired, you can reconnect and see if anything has changed. If it hasn’t, it’s time to reevaluate and possibly cut off the toxic friend. 

 

Unfortunately, toxicity is found in every type of relationship, and friendships are no exception. To be the best version of yourself, you will need to have friends that consistently hold you up and support you. Letting go of friends and relationships that are toxic is hard, but will benefit your life and mental health in the long run.