A baby

 I wrote this when my second son was 5 months old. My mom has just died, and it was a hard time. My babies growing older is like a gut punch to me. In fact, tonight I burst out crying after I watched a show with a mom giving birth and my husband said “at least you won’t have to do that again”. It all goes by too fast. 

“A baby will  remind you that life is so very precious, and it all happens so quickly. A baby will show you how to feel two incredibly strong and seemingly paradoxical emotions at once: extreme happiness your baby is growing and learning, and the loss of him/her growing and becoming older. A baby will remind you that life and time continue to push forward even if you want to freeze time forever, or fast forward through those sleepless nights. But when my baby smiles, he does so with his whole face; his mouth, his eyes and his cheeks radiate pure joy.  He reminds me that even when life is unbearably difficult, when it seems we haven't gotten a break in months, and it has been hurling curve ball after curve ball our way - that we can find joy and happiness. He (and his precocious older sister) remind me that even on the days where I don't think I can handle anything else, I can and I do. This smile is more than a smile, it is purpose to push forward, to experience as much joy and happiness with him!”