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Feeling unheard
Today I screamed at my daughter.
She wasn’t listening, and was continuing to do whatever I asked her to stop. She woke up her brother from a nap, and I snapped:
“Why can’t you just listen!?! Great, now he’s going to be a wreck the rest of the day!!!”
I calmed down, apologized and told her mama yelling at you can be scary right? She nodded, and her flushed tear stained face sadly looking up at me.
I felt crushed. My sweet baby girl was scared of me.
Her ignoring me had triggered a childhood issue of not feeling heard by my own parents. I never felt as if they listened to me, and would often have dreams where I would be screaming at them but they ignored me. Her not listening triggered this in me, and I felt I had to scream at her to be heard.
Luckily, I’m doing the work to fix myself and to heal from my trauma and abuse. My daughter deserves better. She is the love of my life, and deserves more from me. I will continue to work on me, and offer myself grace when I screw up - which I know I will do and have done in her short little life.
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