Darkness

I wrote this when I was experiencing postpartum depression with my first born. I needed my mother to comfort me, but as usual - she only made things worse. I will never forget the despair of knowing my mother would never be a good mother  “one day” as I often dreamed. 

My daughter was my light in my darkness. I knew I had to do better and couldn’t let the postpartum anxiety and depression continue to consume me. I took the first step after my husband pleaded with me to get help, by talking to my doctor. Who referred me to a therapist. Who made me see, it wasn’t my fault my mother didn’t know how to be a good mother, which was a catalyst for my PPD. Which led to less confusion, more healing, and understanding my beaming lights - my 3 children - are my reason to take my mental health seriously.  

If you are experiencing postpartum anxiety or depression, get help. You can and WILL feel better. Look for the light in children, family, therapists, doctors. Better days are ahead, I promise. 

Darkness 

I see my reflection in you

A child so pure

The darkness in her eyes

believes in the light

A bay of sorrow indefinitely sinks

Water muddied, green and dark

Cold tears flow in silence

Slowly leaving a mark 

A seed planted in January 

Expanding with belief 

Growing slowly in this darkness 

In the sorrow that runs deep

 My child, my dear

Your first breath made it clear

Hope grows beyond fear

Beauty sings beyond silence 

Belief lies in the unknown 

The shadows hide beyond the sunshine

There but not often seen

The darkness will play its tricks 

Yet she feels the light's glowing beam